In Neglect

Every time I talk to an old friend these days, I seem to notice just how long it has been since I last spoke with them. The intervals are becoming larger and larger, the gap widens and I fear I am loosing touch with some of the people I once held so dear. Is this really a simple case of cross-road friends. I know that some of these people fit into that category, some of whom I wasn't even that close with during the peak of our friendship. But it is the rest of the people that I refuse to believe are cross-roads friends. Living so far from those I care about has really taken a toll on these friendships.

I find myself having to be filled in on more and more of the happenings in Philly, and there is a part of me that dies a little bit when I realize just how much of my friend's lives I am missing. While I love the five people that I am really close to up here, and I could never imagine life without them, I miss seeing the others and the variation in conversations that we used to have. The different news that we would find to share with one another. The odd discussions that always seemed to bring the light out on the darkest of days.
I suppose it is in part due to the neglect of both parties, with neither of us checking in enough with the other. But I am going to try to stop the neglect (at least on my end) and check in on my friends more, because I really do care how they have been, and I want to be there for them, no matter what they may be going through at the moment.

From Snow That Melted Only Yesterday

This is the first day in a long time where the temperature has been above freezing. I can say without restrain that this is one of the most beautiful days I have seen in a long time. The snow that had long plagued us upon our lawns and benches has finally begun to melt away into to water which will nourish new life from these ravaged soils. Perhaps for once the groundhog was right about this early spring, perhaps it is only coincidence, perhaps this is only a sampling of spring, the eye in the storm that is the long harsh State College winter. No matter what the cause, today should be seen as a sign for all to appreciate life. A day this nice should not be wasted.
But since it is Valentine's Day today, many people will let this beauty go by unnoticed, either because they are too entwined with their lovers to see anything else or because they are so concerned with their feelings of depression and self pity on this day that celebrates the love shared between so many couples.
I refuse to let this day pass by unnoticed, I will live it to the fullest, enjoying every second of the beautiful air. If only all days could be this inspiring, with its perfect temperature, not so cool as to freeze one, but not so hot so that one may begin to sweat. It is quite simply the perfect day. Now get out there and enjoy it.

The Road Not Taken

Once again I found my self deep in self meditation, I could not help but wonder why I had ever chosen meteorology in the first place. Then I remembered to when the idea first popped into my head. When I was young, I had a habit of changing my mind as to what I wanted to become when I grew up, sometimes from week to week. I had wanted to be a teacher, a chef, a comedian, even a geneticist. And sooner or later, often sooner, I would find a reason why that job would not work for me and I moved on. Around the time I was in the seventh grade, my science class did a chapter on weather, I became enthralled, my infatuation with the subject grew and grew and while people doubted that I would stick to my choice I was determined to prove them wrong.
I genuinely was interested in becoming a meteorologist, at least back then, my infatuation with all things weather related lasted until I was in the tenth grade. By this point I realized I was loosing interest in the subject, more and more each day. But I could not bring myself to confess this feeling to anyone, how could I tell the people who had supported me for all these years, who had such faith in my meteorological skill, that I had changed my mind. "I can't wait to see you on TV one day," Nope, sorry, not going to happen now, but thanks for the kind words. So I kept up the charade and dug myself deeper and deeper into this pit of despair. "What does it matter?" I thought as I looked for a college with a world renowned  meteorology department, "I can always change later" or my favorite "I can learn to like it again."
I got to college and I decided that I would change once more, not entirely, I had rather liken most of myself throughout high school, I would only change the few things that I could not stand about myself, my shyness, my inability to stand up for what I believe in, my fear that if I did what I truly wanted to I would hurt those around me. So I did, I changed who I was once more, and once again for the better, growing as a human being. I had already taken my first semester, I saw what it would take for me to become a meteorologist, and frankly, it bored me to death. I loved the people that I met in the department, and I do hope to remain friends with them, but I know that it will never be the same kind of friendship that I have with my other friends, my truest friends.
So when it came time for my second semester at Penn State, I told myself that I would change my major by the end of the semester, and then I realized, here I was again, lying to myself, taking a path that I had no intention of staying on. So I decided that I would finally be true to who I really am. I would follow my passion of wanting to make a real difference in people's lives. And with that I switched my major to psychology, and so far I have been worlds happier for it.
My friends and family supported my decision in full, I don't know why I was so afraid to change. I've realized that anyone who doesn't support the idea of me doing what I enjoy, really don't care about me all that much, and honestly, they can take a long walk off a short cliff into the jagged abyss.
Here I am, on the road less traveled, by myself at least, and while I can not tell if the ending will be good or not, I can at least be comforted in the knowledge that I followed exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
I think Robert Frost said it best:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Mirror In My Mind

   A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth. 

~Robert Frost 

While I had some time to myself today, I did what I seem to be doing a lot lately and I reflected on my past. The first thing that I realized is that there is no single person who knows about my entire life, sure people know bits and pieces, often those that they were a part of and some of the surrounding bits that had to do with the time that I spent with them. But I have never really been able to tell anyone everything about me, I've just never been able to tell someone all of the details of my past, I can't seem to let anyone in that deep, to trust them as much as I would like to. Perhaps it is because deep down I know that nothing is forever, no friendship, no life, and there is no guarantee that I can trust someone to the degree that I would have to, to let them in on who I really am. There are days when even I don't know who I really am, so who am I to tell someone else? I wonder if I will ever find that person that I can truly and completely confide in. Only time will tell.

The Sensorites

Ten Day Challenge: Day Ten

One confession

1. There is nothing more important to me than my friends and family. I'd do anything for them.

The Krotons

Ten Day Challenge: Day Nine

Two smileys that describe your life right now.

1. ^_^
2. =D
   
   
   Since that was so small I'll include a second part (stolen from a friend of mine)
   
   
   Ten Day Challenge: Day Nine

   Two favorite colors?

   
   

   1. Black
   2. Dark Purple
      

Day of the Daleks

I thought the blog needed a bit of a change, so I designed a new title for it. Not bad huh?

An Unearthly Child

 I had to write a memoir for my English class and I thought, well why not post it here on my blog, this is of course only the draft.

As I stood at the podium, ready to give my speech to seven hundred or so of my closest friends, I thought back to what had led me to that point, to the event that had started it all. It was a cool autumn day in November of ’07 when I had decided to apply for the position of astronaut in Project SPARC (a program at many school dedicated to performing a couple of simulated NASA space flights every year). I had mostly made the decision to apply for the position out of fun (being an astronaut meant that I would get to miss a whole day of classes); of course, I knew my chances were slim. I was only a sophomore at this point and all of the juniors and seniors got preference when it came to choosing who the astronauts would be. Just a few short days after turning in my application for the position, I was called into the office of our program director. While I half expected to simply hear that I was not chosen for the position of astronaut and that I should try again next year, it took the director all of five seconds to decimate the idea of being an astronaut at all. She told me that I could not be an astronaut this year, as too many juniors and seniors had applied for the spot, but the position of spokesperson was open, and she thought that I would be perfect for it (she had seen me speak previously at National Academic League competitions). As soon as I realized that the position of spokesperson also meant that I could miss my whole day of classes, I accepted without hesitation and that’s how it all began.

Now before I took this position, I was a fairly shy person, I would rarely say more than I had to, and had a fairly small group of (very good) friends.  Now here I was, about to work my first appearance as spokesperson after weeks of hard work and practice (by heard work and practice, I mean going over the basic outline of the flight for about 15 minutes total). I got up in front of the class that had come down to see the flight, I was dressed in my best dress clothes (flights were always formal after all), and I started to speak, a bit shaky at first, I fumbled with a few words, but then suddenly I began to get the sense of it and I went through all of the facts and figures and taking them on the tour of the rest of the facilities. It was at the exact moment that the class was leaving after they had all thanked me for the wonderful tour that I began my love with public speaking.

From that point onwards, I continuously expanded my job as spokesperson farther and farther; I had decided that two simulated flights a year was not enough exercise for my public speaking skills, public speaking quickly became an addiction to me. I began volunteering to work at the high school fair to tell prospective students about the merits of choosing our school’s magnet program; this became a tradition which I would continue for the rest of my years in high school. In the three years that I worked the high school fairs I must easily have met over a thousand people, many of whom I helped to convince to come to my high school, some of whom I still know to this day.  Being a spokesperson had given me a whole new lease on life, I now had the courage to run for junior vice president of our National Honor Society, and even better still, I had the skill to write the speech that led to my victory. My luck would not end either as I was soon approached to write and present an advertisement for the robotics competition, by the time I was done, our presentation placed third in the state and got us to nationals in Auburn, Alabama.

            By the time I reached my senior year, I was one of the most recognizable faces in my school, by both staff and student alike. The staff knew me from my volunteer work promoting the school, and many of the younger students knew me as I had been the one to convince them to pick my high school. It was easily one of the best times in my life. I had been elected to the position of President in our National Honor Society, and I now held the titles of President and manager of the computers group in SPARC in addition to my title as spokesperson. It was during this year that I got to personally induct the newest members of our National Honor Society, many of whom I had known for years, and I could not have been prouder of them. By April, I could feel my time as spokesperson coming close to its end, one of the groups in SPARC had decided to build me my own personal podium to use at my last SPARC flight simulation. I think that it is perhaps the greatest podium in all of existence, using it gave me a sense of power and control that I had never before known. The flight simulation went off without a hitch, and we celebrated afterword, we always celebrated at the end of our last flight simulation of the year in honor of those of us who would be graduating, but it had never affected me as much as it had this year, I could feel the end, that was it, my spokesperson days were all over. Or so I thought.

            Late in May I was called into the principal’s office, she told me that I was salutatorian of our graduating class, and that I would get to make a speech at the ceremony. I quickly began work on the speech; I based it upon a favorite quote of mine, the speech of course had to be approved, after which I added a few items to the version that I would actually deliver. Then almost out of nowhere, there I was standing at the podium, ready to give my speech to seven hundred or so of my closest friends, I thought of how much I had changed from that shy timid young man that I had been four years prior, how my role as spokesperson helped me gain self confidence, how it led to so many chance meetings which in turn became some of the best friendships of my life, and how it made me who I am today. I then gave my speech, which I can honestly say was the best speech I had ever written, which concluded with seven hundred of my closest friends and their families cheering like crazy.

Doctor Who and the Silurians

Ten Day Challenge: Day Eight

Three turn ons.

 

1. Long walks in the rain
2. Even longer meaningful conversations
3. An endless vault of private in-jokes

Enlightenment

Sometimes in life, you have to stand back and take a look at all that you have. Not the possessions, not the money, not the social status, but the relationships. As I was at dinner this evening with two of my closest friends and I came to the realization that life is not about all the little things that stress us out from day to day. These things don't matter at all. People work all of their lives to achieve a "high status" and they live miserable lives, because they have forgotten to form relationships along the way, crushing anyone who tries to get close to them.
So I have decided that from this point on, I will no longer let the little things in life bother me, I will focus on devoting as much time as humanly possible, to those I care about most and those who care about me, because my relationships with them are the most important things in my life.

Meglos

Ten Day Challenge: Day Seven

Four turn offs.

1. Smokers
2. Drunks
3. Drug Addicts
4. Republicans

Castrovalva

Ten Day Challenge: Day Six

Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

 Ok, so there are way too many people who are important to me to narrow it down to 5, but I have managed to narrow it down to 10 people who mean a lot to me (in no order whatsoever)

1. Paula
2. Blake
3. Angela
4. Kramer
5. Tammy
6. Ivan
7. Gladson
8. Rus
9. Zach
10. Eugene